Annyeonghaseyo

I'm writing this as the daughter of my mom and my father. This is truly a personal thing. I don't speak out my feelings but I do a lot of writings instead. I keep almost everything to myself. Almost. There's only a certain time where I will talk or discuss things with both of my parents. It's not that they don't pay attention to me because they are busy with their works but this is how my life is. I rarely ask them buy things for me and they too know me very well. Thus, they rarely buy things for me too. (except food)

Right now, I've spent almost 5 months (precisely 146 days) at home and it's a blessing at first, but........ it's suffering now. It's not that I hate being at home. It's because I feel kinda empty, hopeless and at the same time helpless. There's time where I would just stay in my room for the whole day and I just go out to drink and then go back into my room.

I know a lot of my friends know how I behave at school, how noisy I am, how talkative I am (but not to the point which I would be scolded by the teachers for talking too much), I start to lose the side of me now. I barely talk to anyone around me even my mom. When she asks me to do things such as house chores, I'll juts do it without saying anything. If she asks me and she needs the answer right away, I'll just shake my head or nod.

No matter how much I try to keep my feelings inside, I will never can hide my illness from my mom. Several days ago, I was taken with diarrhea (cirit-birit) and it was really painful. I slept from the evening till the morning. I woke up briefly when my mom was going to school and then I went back to sleep. I ate nothing on that day. (I tried)

I really have a lot of things to tell you, mom but then I don't think I can. I always have something to tell you but it got stuck in my throat. I always want to talk to you about things but I know you're tired enough. I always want to say sorry that I don't talk to you, I don't answer you when you're asking me but it's hard for me. I know that sometimes you will just let me in my own world and I totally understand that because it's me who insists of doing that.

xoxo